Even This
By Sharla Fanous
It was the hit
She didn’t see coming.
Defenseless, her guard down,
She felt the full force of the wound,
Deep, sharp, throbbing,
Then numb.
Nothing,
As if her soul had left her body
To watch the wreckage from a safer distance.
It looked on as her body curled in,
Closer, smaller.
Was she trying to make herself disappear?
Or perhaps she was holding herself together,
Fearing that she may actually fall apart
And never able to pick up the pieces.
She laid there, refusing to uncoil,
Until the numbness disappeared.
When feeling did come back,
It arrived in a burning, hot rage.
First, inward in self-blame-
For all the things she could or shouldn’t have done
To have kept her from this place.
Then out in isolating anger-
For they failed to be what she needed
Even though she herself didn’t know what that was.
Finally, it went upward.
“Why?” she barely managed to whisper.
She felt betrayed, shaken.
Her eyes, blinded by her own pain
Were unable to see that even this,
Even THIS thing that felt like dying,
Would be the very thing that He would use to bring life.
His heavenly comfort would give her compassion.
Her pain given a voice,
Her story would heal many.
Yes, even this He would make good.
Sharla Fanous
Sharla is a mom of three, living in Ottawa, ON. Her love of poetry and writing started very young, and she wrote many poems through her teens and early twenties. She recently rediscovered writing, preferring poetry as a creative outlet. You can connect with Sharla on Instagram at @sharla_fanous and @prose_and_purpose.